small thoughts
- 26 okt 2008
small thoughts
I watch my dreams
slip away
I watch what I..m yearning for
dissapear, again
Tomorrow its monday
Another week starts
And we live in a shallow world
that doesn..t fit me too well
I try to be shallow too though.
THERE..S SOMETHING ELSE, I JUST KNOW IT
* * *
Where is your heart?
And I wonder, would I hurt myself if I fell down into your soul?
Is there alot more there than what you show
Or are you just happily missing depth?
I wonder
the end. 2008.
18 okt 2008
didnt mean to sleep so long
didnt mean to eat so much
didnt mean to be so wrong
To be so bad
to feel so tired
and be so sad
and cry about it
I promise
* * *
It was worth it
there will be no regrets
...but no one's gonna love me; I know
It was the right thing for me
I need to be on my own, like before I met you
before you made my life all beautiful and pretty
Before I felt true love
I need to be cold again, cos it fits me well
Vulnerableness does not
So I am, on my own
though I know I'm not happy
I'm moving on without difficulty,
but I'm walking around all empty inside
Don't want to believe in a cliché "A life without love, aint no life at all"
You shook my world, of course i was gonna get hurt
Everybody warned me and I cursed myself
for kept on doing what we were doing
but all I wanted to do, was to be with you
Cos I..d never felt what I felt for you
The only one I let get close to me
against my will and my mind, but my heart
and my body just didn't care
You brought sunshine into my world
and you made me love, the real way
You showed me as much love as I showed you
I doubt no one will ever do that
So I must live without it
I wish we had a different start
But you could never change it, I know
And I could never blame you for it
just cry about it - so forgive me cos we were doomed
It was sooner or later, I had to save myself
Now I am safe, not as safe as in your arms
but safe anough from damage
safe from you
safe from love
cold.
And I don't want meaningless touches
it just turns pale in comparison
Cos I've gotten so emotionally spoiled
TextText
Didnt mean to fall so deep
didnt mean to sleep so long
didnt mean to eat so much
didnt mean to be so wrong
To be so bad
to feel so tired
and be so sad
and cry about it
I promise
* * *
It was worth it
there will be no regrets
...but no one's gonna love me; I know
It was the right thing for me
I need to be on my own, like before I met you
before you made my life all beautiful and pretty
Before I felt true love
I need to be cold again, cos it fits me well
Vulnerableness does not
So I am, on my own
though I know I'm not happy
I'm moving on without difficulty,
but I'm walking around all empty inside
Don't want to believe in a cliché "A life without love, aint no life at all"
You shook my world, of course i was gonna get hurt
Everybody warned me and I cursed myself
for kept on doing what we were doing
but all I wanted to do, was to be with you
Cos I..d never felt what I felt for you
The only one I let get close to me
against my will and my mind, but my heart
and my body just didn't care
You brought sunshine into my world
and you made me love, the real way
You showed me as much love as I showed you
I doubt no one will ever do that
So I must live without it
I wish we had a different start
But you could never change it, I know
And I could never blame you for it
just cry about it - so forgive me cos we were doomed
It was sooner or later, I had to save myself
Now I am safe, not as safe as in your arms
but safe anough from damage
safe from you
safe from love
cold.
And I don't want meaningless touches
it just turns pale in comparison
Cos I've gotten so emotionally spoiled
But no one's gonna love me no more
2008 regrets
20 apr 2008
Men jag har världens mjukaste händer.
Ta dom och håll fast dom
och smek dom
eller krossa dom om du vill. Men jag vill ha mina händer i dina.
Har jag verkligen bytt bort det bästa i mitt liv?
stygg flicka.
Aktuellt humör:ångerfull
Varför kunde jag inte vara världens bästa kissekatt?Men jag har världens mjukaste händer.
Ta dom och håll fast dom
och smek dom
eller krossa dom om du vill. Men jag vill ha mina händer i dina.
Har jag verkligen bytt bort det bästa i mitt liv?
11 okt 2008
Wish I didn't have certain ways
So I wouldn't feel the need to push away
what I really want so close
Because I want, I want, I want
you so fucking close
push
Aktuellt humör:bakfull
Wish I was differentWish I didn't have certain ways
So I wouldn't feel the need to push away
what I really want so close
Because I want, I want, I want
you so fucking close
i wish... 2007
26 maj 2007
cos I dream about you every night and I think about you every minute. It´s sick.
This night I was searching for you on an airport... I was running around and looking for you desperately. I didn´t find you, there were so many people everywere.
I´ve gotten thinner. But my lips they´re fuller. My hair seems longer. It´s been too long... I´m just empty without you.
* * *
Edit: Earlier today you called. You were so weird, like you are sometimes. And that´s when I start to worry for you.
I wish you felt for me, what I feel for you. I wish you were monogomous. I wish you could take your time... I wish you would let me into your world, just a little bit.
I wish I weren´t so separate from the rest. And I wish I didn´t ALWAYS come second.
Once you said to me "I wish I could share my world with you.. I want to."
and once when I was laying close to you, you said: "Damn... I wish you were mine."
Well I was yours all the time. I´ve been since the day I met you. It´s still just you. There is nobody else. And I gave to you... me. I´ve given you my soul!!
Why couldn´t I be yours? Why didn´t you want me and why don´t you?
Well thats just how life goes... :P My mind drives me crazy. I wish I was dumb.
I wish...
Aktuellt humör:orolig
Maybe I miss youcos I dream about you every night and I think about you every minute. It´s sick.
This night I was searching for you on an airport... I was running around and looking for you desperately. I didn´t find you, there were so many people everywere.
I´ve gotten thinner. But my lips they´re fuller. My hair seems longer. It´s been too long... I´m just empty without you.
* * *
Edit: Earlier today you called. You were so weird, like you are sometimes. And that´s when I start to worry for you.
I wish you felt for me, what I feel for you. I wish you were monogomous. I wish you could take your time... I wish you would let me into your world, just a little bit.
I wish I weren´t so separate from the rest. And I wish I didn´t ALWAYS come second.
Once you said to me "I wish I could share my world with you.. I want to."
and once when I was laying close to you, you said: "Damn... I wish you were mine."
Well I was yours all the time. I´ve been since the day I met you. It´s still just you. There is nobody else. And I gave to you... me. I´ve given you my soul!!
Why couldn´t I be yours? Why didn´t you want me and why don´t you?
Well thats just how life goes... :P My mind drives me crazy. I wish I was dumb.
i just dont know
24 nov 2008
away from heartache
to find a place free from pain and thoughts and feelings
I dont know what happened
Its a big blackout
But i woke up bleeding
Where do I go?
Little Miss lost, not found - Where do you go now?
I just dont know
i just dont know
I spread my wings in panic and prepared to fly
away from heartache
to find a place free from pain and thoughts and feelings
I dont know what happened
Its a big blackout
But i woke up bleeding
Where do I go?
Little Miss lost, not found - Where do you go now?
I just dont know
kill it (again)
19 jan 2009
or kill everyone else
I hate her
I hate them... And myself
for almost hating you
Dont wanna lose my mind
Just make it numb
I..ve to learn more things, I gotta understand more
I need to know how to feel and just not feel so insecure
Wish I would grow older in a day
kill it (again..)
Kill it, fucking kill it
or kill everyone else
I hate her
I hate them... And myself
for almost hating you
Dont wanna lose my mind
Just make it numb
I..ve to learn more things, I gotta understand more
I need to know how to feel and just not feel so insecure
Wish I would grow older in a day
varför blandade jag in djur för?! haha
23 mar 2009
* Ytliga svin - döööööö
* Smyg-peddon som uttnyttjar alldeles för unga tjejer på löpande band ... oh34i=)%Y/de0f#&)(&"#€&&
Ja, alla som finns, skulle kunna hänga er offentligt utan att ha dåligt samvete, bara för jag tycker så jävla illa om er .
Och, oh, en personlig sak: Alla äckel som på allvar tror att jag vill komma springandes å ligga med er bara för att ni existerar, och råkar vara lite kända; DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ
och så hoppas jag att ni återföds som nåt jävla djur ,ni e patetiska hela bunten. Ja, nu buntar jag ihop er, för jag e så jävla lack på den stilen
Ni e äckliga hela bunten och jag är så glad över att mitt liv inte är i närheten av ert!!!!!!!!
Dagens irritation, ASSHOLES! PATETISKA!
* Falska fittor - dööööö
* Ytliga svin - döööööö
* Smyg-peddon som uttnyttjar alldeles för unga tjejer på löpande band ... oh34i=)%Y/de0f#&)(&"#€&&
Ja, alla som finns, skulle kunna hänga er offentligt utan att ha dåligt samvete, bara för jag tycker så jävla illa om er .
Och, oh, en personlig sak: Alla äckel som på allvar tror att jag vill komma springandes å ligga med er bara för att ni existerar, och råkar vara lite kända; DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ DÖ
och så hoppas jag att ni återföds som nåt jävla djur ,ni e patetiska hela bunten. Ja, nu buntar jag ihop er, för jag e så jävla lack på den stilen
Ni e äckliga hela bunten och jag är så glad över att mitt liv inte är i närheten av ert!!!!!!!!
Days
(23 maj 2009)
You gave me away
I felt so very special and you enticed me with your candy
But you kidnapped me, tortured me, raped me, and gave me away
And there were others...
Those others
Did they fill in when I wasn..t there? When I wasn..t enough?
Or was it even the other way around? Was I just an extra, a time-consuming needy extra on the side of everything else ?
Maybe you wished for someone else, rather than me? I don..t care really, but
You..re surprised I don..t want any of them around
like ghosts from the days that I cried my eyes out,
cut my fucking heart out...
You don..t get it
"... brighter days on the horizon
my love for you will always keep on rising"
3:25
You gave me away
I felt so very special and you enticed me with your candy
But you kidnapped me, tortured me, raped me, and gave me away
And there were others...
Those others
Did they fill in when I wasn..t there? When I wasn..t enough?
Or was it even the other way around? Was I just an extra, a time-consuming needy extra on the side of everything else ?
Maybe you wished for someone else, rather than me? I don..t care really, but
You..re surprised I don..t want any of them around
like ghosts from the days that I cried my eyes out,
cut my fucking heart out...
You don..t get it
"... brighter days on the horizon
my love for you will always keep on rising"
3:25
"Verkligt?"
Man kan låtsas, men låtsas är relativt ändå. Så låtsas man verkligen? Allt är relativt. Allt kan lika gärna vara fejk. Eller sant. Allt man gör - vad betyder det ändå? Vad är det som gör världen runtomkring verklig? Vad är det som gör den så sann? Jag tror det som finns inuti våra kroppar, huvuden, är minst lika sant.
Man kan bygga världar, som man blåser såpbubblor. Men de spricker aldrig, om man aldrig slutar låtsas. På ett sätt tror jag dom är verkligare än det andra, än det vi ser med våra ögon. Kalla mig en drömmare, för det är exakt vad jag är. Det är exakt vad jag alltid varit, ända sen jag var liten, så långt jag kan minnas.
Jag har inte behövt så stort mått av "verklighet", jag har skapat min egen. Den har varit min och den har varit precis som jag velat ha den. Insluten i min egen värld, konverserat med själar som ingen vet existerar, målat allt i ljuva färger.
Jag ser allt avskalat nu för tiden. För det finns så mycket runtomkring, det finns så mycket prat, det finns så mycket ångest... Det finns så otroligt mycket saker runt omkring ALLT. Som damm, som man bara vill blåsa bort. Och det är precis det min hjärna gör. Naivt... Och sjukt vackert.
Det enda som är riktigt sant är det vi inte kan ta på.
Man kan bygga världar, som man blåser såpbubblor. Men de spricker aldrig, om man aldrig slutar låtsas. På ett sätt tror jag dom är verkligare än det andra, än det vi ser med våra ögon. Kalla mig en drömmare, för det är exakt vad jag är. Det är exakt vad jag alltid varit, ända sen jag var liten, så långt jag kan minnas.
Jag har inte behövt så stort mått av "verklighet", jag har skapat min egen. Den har varit min och den har varit precis som jag velat ha den. Insluten i min egen värld, konverserat med själar som ingen vet existerar, målat allt i ljuva färger.
Jag ser allt avskalat nu för tiden. För det finns så mycket runtomkring, det finns så mycket prat, det finns så mycket ångest... Det finns så otroligt mycket saker runt omkring ALLT. Som damm, som man bara vill blåsa bort. Och det är precis det min hjärna gör. Naivt... Och sjukt vackert.
Det enda som är riktigt sant är det vi inte kan ta på.
2007-03-17
yearning
Say it
if you mean it
if you feel it
give it to me in tiny, worn out words
Cos I wanna say it
not like a question
and not like a statement;
but like a feeling that pushes me to the edge of bursting
sometimes when i look at you
and when it wants to pop out of my mouth in those by far worn out words
I have to squeeze my lips tight
or cough
But I won't risk ruine anything right now
cos I think that maybe you want to keep this silent agreement
that we seem to have
So I'm gonna keep on coughing until you let me know
if you mean it
if you feel it
give it to me in tiny, worn out words
Cos I wanna say it
not like a question
and not like a statement;
but like a feeling that pushes me to the edge of bursting
sometimes when i look at you
and when it wants to pop out of my mouth in those by far worn out words
I have to squeeze my lips tight
or cough
But I won't risk ruine anything right now
cos I think that maybe you want to keep this silent agreement
that we seem to have
So I'm gonna keep on coughing until you let me know
2008-05-23
* * *
I am waiting
Built me up
broke me down
then built me up
to break me down again
you must really like me on the ground
Lying here
wondering;
what am I waiting for?
But I am waiting.
Where are you?
What are you doing?
What are you thinking?
I am waiting
for a chance
to tell you something true
For you to listen
and for you to let me know
for a chance
to tell you something true
For you to listen
and for you to let me know
2007-11-07
* * *
Beautiful damn creature
plays pingpong with my heart
But I think he has to lose
That soft pale skin
is impossible not to touch
And his eyes gets me hypnotized
I melt like ice in the sun
But everytime I can´t pretend anymore
that´s when I freeze
My bubble burst
and I fall and hit the ground
So I know this needs to stop
or I need to dissapear
Beautiful damn creature
You fucking robbed me.
2007-06-08
* * *
Mars 2007
And I keep getting told; I´m the only one to blame
Is it really that simple?
But tired of hearing it, I keep my mouth shut.
I act like everything is cool
like it´s all over now
But it´s not.
I feel like the only human left on this earth
That nice warmth is gone
You make little icecubes of my blood
But go on and sleep, beautiful
and leave me in the early morning
And continue loving her.
- Mars 2007
* * *
Fate was really desperate for us to find each other.
I feel like it picked the wrong time, though....
But what do you do...
Try not to think so much.
What I know is... I´ll be okay.
Cos whatever happens with today
and tomorrow
I will NOT drown in sorrow
I just want you to make me feel good
as long as possible
In your eyes I see something
that reminds me of something
Myself? Life? Long lost memories...?
I love it, and I want to have it
I want to keep it
Mezmorized by you
your soft pale skin
how it melts on mine
I forget about reality
I get lost
in what, exactly ?
But I like it there. - Mars 2007
* * *
Och jag är ingenting som henne. Och jag är ingenting som alla andra.
Och jag vet att jag är bara en parantes;
ett tillfälle att känna något annorlunda kanske
Men jag vet att snart kommer jag försvinna
lika märkligt som jag bara dök upp
och det kanske blir tomt någonstansdär inne... i dig.
Eller kanske inte.
Och jag kommer fortsätta försöka fylla det där tomma, kalla
inuti mig
Det som du lyckades fylla med en behaglig värme.
- Mars 2007
